


Early Morning Talks

by Author_Authenticated



Category: The Ascendance Trilogy - Jennifer A. Nielsen
Genre: Flirting, Jaron being reckless, M/M, Nosebleeds, Pining, Tobias thinks too much, couldnt think of a title lmao, if u can look me in the eyes after reading this i appreciate you, maybe even longer, this took me a whole year to write ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 14:00:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10023860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Author_Authenticated/pseuds/Author_Authenticated
Summary: Tobias overthinks, Jaron is reckless, both boys are impulsive, and I've claimed the Tobias/Jaron ship for my own.- @hellaghosts on tumblr / @tobias-jaron on tumblr -





	

Tobias sat at his wooden desk near the window. He stared endlessly at the book he was attempting to read, words becoming blurred and illiterate. His mind wandered and he could only think in static. He slammed the medicine book shut and slid it off the desk and on to the ground. He slammed his hands on his desk just as the book hit the floor, resulting in a sound that could scare the devils away.   
  
Tobias swore loudly, pulling his hands away from the now cracked desk, rubbing them together as they stung and tinted red. He wiped away the frustration in his eyes, taking breath after hollow breath. Pulling away from his desk, he blew out his candles and moved to the open, square window. The melancholy seeming night sky, with few stars surrounding a full moon.    
  
Amarinda was back in her home country of Bymar, visiting her family, leaving him with a large empty bed and a cold smile left on his face. He only had time to think when he was alone. Amarinda, Roden, Mott, Imogen, Harlowe, it was beginning to be too much. The thoughts pounding into his mind, putting weights on his eyes and shoulders and spikes in his stress. This was beginning to be so much harder than he had originally thought.   
  
Jaron. It was always Jaron. The reason he had still been alive, the reason he continues to live. The moment he met Sage- there was always an underlying feeling that he was important. Even as a unkempt, illiterate, downright infuriating, quick witted orphan- Tobias knew whenever he looked into Jaron's bright green eyes, he saw something he wanted to see for the rest of his life.    
  
His feelings for Amarinda and Jaron could only be described at static. The sparking, dull electricity always at the back of his mind, ready to be released at anytime. He had no clue what to call himself. Was... was he a monster? A sinner? What was the defect of a man who didn't know who he loved?   
  
He was always looking at Jaron. Sure, he was conventionally attractive- but that's not what he was focusing on. His words, his wit, that wild look in his eyes while he was in danger- all of it was appealing. His tactical genius, his... his everything. Everything about Jaron was just... something he wanted. Something he would lust after his entire life, that he knew.   
  
And Amarinda... oh dear saints, Amarinda. She was breathtaking, elegant, and intelligent... She was the most perfect bride you could ever ask for. She was loving, caring, accepting, and incredibly perceptive.    
Her beautiful, strong brown eyes, her curvy figure, her graceful long hair... Amarinda was too good for a questionable orphan like himself. He desperately wanted to love her, and he did, he knew, but what was it that he felt for Jaron?   
  
Jaron had saved his life on multiple occasions, even when he went by Sage and Tobias tried to injure him, he always forgave Tobias. For every boring comment he made, Jaron would return with a smile and a snarky reply. Tobias trusted Jaron with his life, he would die for him if that's what it took. Would he ever be able to give the trust he had in Jaron and be able to trust Amarinda the same way?   
  
He loved Amarinda, he loved his wife. She was everything more than what he could have dreamed of. So why wasn't he satisfied? Why was something still missing? Why did he feel like something was empty? _Why? Why? Why?_ He clenched his jaw and ran a hand through his dark hair. He stepped away from the window and closed it, locking his door and lying in bed.   
  
This was something he thought about whenever he was alone. No one there to help take his mind off, until he could bottle it up and let it go as soon as he was isolated. Even as he thought about his feelings for Jaron, he never once seemed to contemplate his sexuality. It was clear he liked both men and women- was there even a word for that? He would have to look it up in a dictionary sooner or later. He would have to face the facts, and come to terms, maybe tell someone.    
  
Another thing he often thought about was Imogen. Imogen was a sister figure to him, she never once treated him badly. She was loving, and incredibly, incredibly perceptive. She immediately knew when something was wrong, or if someone was lying, from her experience with Jaron. That's probably why Tobias began to avoid her recently. He could not look her in the eye without feeling guilty. What do you even say to a girl, when you're in love with their husband and felt like you were cheating on her best friend-your wife- with just your thoughts? What can you even say about that?   
  
Nothing. Nothing at all. So he simply avoided looking her in the eye and speaking to her. He lied on his side and held his stomach, closing his eyes and doing what he always did to cope. He shut everything out, and imagined fantasies where everything was better than they really were.   
  
He might as well have a full bookshelf of fantasies in his mind, browsing through ones he could remember to see what could ease him the most. Let's see, one of him and Amarinda roaming the countryside in search of adventure. Another fantasy where him and Jaron had been in school, living together and studying together- that was a personal favorite of his. A slightly more embarrassing world where Jaron and him were both kings, married.    
  
He had a few fantasies that he refused to even say anything about in his thoughts. Those were special, he didn't want to wear them out. He raised his arms to his foreheads and lied on his stomach.   
  
It was times like this where he wondered if he actually had any given chance. Given he could look Jaron in the eyes and tell him he loved him, what the hell would he even say? Would Jaron accept him... would he banish him? A death sentence for his perversity? What would Amarinda say? Would she still love him? Would she break up with him? Oh god, and Roden. Would he cut ties as well?   
  
Tobias took a deep breath and thought it over again, perhaps more reasonably. Jaron would most likely crack some sort of joke, not believing him, passing it off as a weird saying. Amarinda would understand, hopefully. She was open minded. Roden would.... Roden was.... he had no clue how to predict what Roden would do. Imogen was practically his sister. She would understand. If only he could talk to her, though.    
  
He was taken away from his thoughts as he felt a sharp pain in his temple and blood on the back of his hand. Well, that was fantastic. What a perfect time to have a nosebleed, deep in thought, contemplating his entire life. He cupped a hand over his nose and rushed to grab some kind of fabric. He tore through his dresser cabinets as he looked for something, anything to catch the blood. He snatched an old dress shirt, pristine white and wrinkled. Someone was going to yell at him for bloodying white, anyway. He quickly felt the blood seeping through the shirt, the metallic smell and taste making him dizzy. What a fantastic medic he was going to be, huh? Head spinning at the mere scent of blood. He opened the door to his room, and turned into a long hallway. Where were servants when you needed them? Then again, it was past midnight.   
  
He bent his neck so he looked downward, careful that he didn't spill any drops and dirty the polished floor. He quickly stepped toward the medicine room, keeping his pace light so his steps couldn't be heard throughout the entire castle. The brisk night air surrounded him, he shivered but kept pace and-   
  
He knocked directly into a broad figure as he turned the corner, blood trickling down to the front of his shirt. Fantastic. He quickly looked downwards and apologized, grasping the white dress shirt he was previously bleeding into. He looked up to see who he had knocked into, and raised his eyebrows at the sight.   
  
It was Jaron. Straw-blonde hair and bright green eyes, eyes filled with devious adventure that shone in even the darkest of nights. He looked shocked, helping Tobias up and murmuring an apology before quietly exclaiming, "What happened to you? Are you alright?"   
  
"It's- It's just a nosebleed. Nothing serious, I swear, sir- Jaron." Tobias squinted to look at the rough cut and bruise of the left of Jaron's face. "W-What happened to you? Why are you out this late?"   
  
"Well I can assure you that I was not out at 12 AM, sneaking out to a bar, and did not get into a bar fight." Jaron smirked, brushing hair from Tobias's face, making the regent freeze up a second.    
  
"How did you even manage that?! You are  _ literally _ the king of Carthya! How does someone NOT recognize you?" Tobias nagged, pulling Jaron down to his eye level. Tobias struggled to keep the shirt over his nose with his elbow and evaluate the seriousness of Jaron's injuries.   
  
Jaron couldn't help but smile as Tobias worried over him. "I've been known to do the impossible- ow!" It stung as Tobias firmly ran a hand over the cut on his cheek, the only one deeper than all of the other scratches. "You're bleeding worse than I am, a nosebleed, you said? Heh, you been having those perverted dreams for the first time-"   
  
"Sh-Shut your mouth, for Christ's sake!" Tobias shoved Jaron away from him, using a hand to wipe the blood from his lips. "You literally got into a bar fight, you are guilty of more charges than I will ever be." Tobias grumbled accusingly.    
  
"So you admit to the dreams-?" Jaron began to question before Tobias made a loud exclamation in frustration, before finally taking the shirt away from his face.

 

“No! I mean- I don’t- you’re insufferable.” Tobias brushed his hair away from his eyes. Jaron’s eyes were bright as always. The bright green reflected under the moonlight if the windows in the hall. “T-Truly insufferable. Do you need me to inspect your wounds?” 

 

“I don't want the others to worry about my wounds in the morning- could you clean me up? Then I’ll be off to bed, I promise.” Jaron nodded. Tobias rolled up his sleeves and continued walking to the medical room with Jaron.

 

“I suppose I can do that. I was already on my way there.” Tobias wiped the bloodied white shirt under his nose, licking the blood from his lips. “What made you think it was a good idea to go to a tavern this late at night?” Tobias turned toward Jaron.

 

“Couldn't sleep. I wanted a bit of freedom, so I pulled out the old Avenian accent and parted my hair differently and snuck out a window. Went to the shoddiest bar I could find and ordered drinks for the wrong guy, I suppose. He took it as cockiness and we exchanged some words.” Jaron chuckled, opening the door to the medical room and letting Tobias in first. “Why are you up so late?”

 

“Everything that you say can be taken as cockiness, Your Highness. No offense. Same goes for me, though. Couldn't sleep, started overthinking. Amarinda isn't here, other internal conflicts.” Tobias poured a bit of alcohol on clean cloth and gently pressed it towards Jaron’s cuts. He turned and took some water to wash his blood-stained face with. 

 

“What’s on your mind, Tobias?” Jaron questioned. Tobias turned back toward Jaron, a little surprised that the king even cared. His heart skipped every time Jaron said his name, and that didn't make it any easier to focus.

 

“Nothing I’d want to worry you with, sir. Don't worry about me, I’m fine.” Tobias stood up a little straighter. He cleared his throat and continued to clean the blood and specks of dirt from Jaron’s wounds. Being so close to the king made his face grow warmer, and he had hoped it was dark enough so that Jaron wouldn't notice. Tobias’ eyes kept drifting down to the king’s lips, quickly shooting back up to the cuts every time he caught himself staring. 

 

“You’re shaking, Tobias. Are you okay? I’ve a feeling it isn't just the nosebleed on your mind.” Jaron’s voice softened, toning down to a whisper. His rough hands grasped Tobias’ wrist ever so gently, forcing Tobias to look the king in the eyes. Jaron’s emerald eyes peered into his own, looking for the truth Tobias wasn't willing to tell him. His eyebrows were arched in concern and curiosity. Tobias’ eyes were dulled and reticent, the stormy blue-gray colored orbs were nothing in comparison to Jaron’s own emerald eyes.

 

Tobias couldn't look away. He was trapped, frozen still. He became hyper aware of everything around him, including Jaron. Tobias’ face was radiating heat, inches away from the king’s. Tobias was in between Jaron’s legs, as Jaron was sitting on a table that left him above Tobias, not at eye-level. He was leaning too close, and he wanted more than anything to lean in closer and kiss the man in front of him.

 

“I- I don't… I can’t stop thinking. About everything, about you, Amarinda, the future of Carthya…” Tobias looked away from Jaron. He couldn't bare to look into his eyes again.

 

“About me? How am I your concern, Tobias? I’m curious.” Jaron questioned. 

 

“I don't know if I should tell you…”

 

“Well, you shouldn't lie to me either.”

 

“What if I said something that would make you hate me? What if I did something I-”

 

“Tell me. I promise I won't get upset. Unless you’re trying to overthrow me, if  _ anyone  _ is trying to overthrow me, actually.” 

 

“No, nothing like that. Can I- can I just show you?” Tobias’ eyes flickered down to Jaron’s lips again. He grasped the hand that was grabbing his wrist and took his hand back. 

 

“Go ahead.”

 

With that, Tobias closed the space between the two. Tobias’ soft lips fell upon the king’s, and Tobias felt bliss. It was simple, lasted a few seconds, and was over as quickly as it had started. Tobias quickly backed away, muttering an apology and stepping away. He couldn't look at Jaron, he could only stare at the floor.

 

“I- I apologize. Forgive m-”

 

“Is that all?” Jaron chuckled. Tobias’ head shot up immediately.

 

“Y-You aren't angry?” Tobias’ hands covered his mouth, still in shock he had the audacity to kiss the king.

 

“Surprised maybe, but not angry. Wasn't that bad, actually. Who can resist my devilish looks and charm?” Jaron chucked. “Is this going to be our secret, or is one of us going to be telling Amarinda and Imogen?” Jaron raised an eyebrow to Tobias.

 

“I don't know if I want to tell her yet. But- am I going to be in trouble? What do you even think of me? Am I a sinner, Jaron? I need you to tell me, I don't know what to do.” Tobias began shaking again, and Jaron slid off of the table he was sitting on and held Tobias’ trembling hand. The king sighed and squeezed his hand.

 

“No, Tobias, you’re fine. I think- I think you’re still the same Tobias that I saved. You’re not the same Tobias that Sage met at Farthenwood, you’re  _ my  _ Tobias. I would never abandon you, and you can't be replaced. I don't know if I love you  _ like that  _ just yet, but there are parts of you that I admire and want to love. I love Imogen, she  _ is  _ my wife after all, but you’re something special. I think… I think that with time, I could feel the same way.” Jaron took a deep breath. Tobias was shaking even harder at this point. “I’m the biggest sinner here, Tobias. Don't forget that. And what about Amarinda?”

 

“Amarinda… I love Amarinda as well. I love her as well, but Jaron, I don't know why, but I can’t get rid of this feeling that it’s always you. It has always  _ been  _ you, and it will always  _ be _ you. You’re the one I choose, Jaron.” Tobias twitched under the grasp of Jaron’s hands. 

 

“You’re doing a fantastic job of convincing me, honestly… Makes me wanna sweep you off your feet, ha. When did you ever have such a way with words, Tobias?” Jaron attempted to play off his embarrassment, but his face was red and it was getting harder to form coherent sentences. 

 

“When were you  _ ever  _ at a loss for words?” Tobias murmured snidely. Even after confessing everything to Jaron, he still had room for snarky remarks.  _ Something Jaron loved about Tobias. _

 

“Very funny,” Jaron remarked. He moved closer to Tobias, barely moving centimeters. He stood taller than Tobias, but that didn't stop him from making the eye contact he so desired. “Kiss me again.”

 

Tobias stiffened, not expecting those words to  _ ever _ leave Jaron’s mouth. All of Tobias’ favorite fantasies were coming true, and all he wanted to do was kiss his king in the moonlight. Romantic at heart, but he would always deny it. “Are… are you sure…?”

 

“No, I’m not. But I’ve always been impulsive. Kiss me before I think about the consequences, I want this more than anything right now.” Jaron whispered.

 

Tobias leaned in again, only a little more steady than the first time. He took a deep breath and when their lips met, Tobias saw stars. The warmth radiating off of the two of them were all they needed, and the brightness of Jaron’s eyes was all Tobias needed to see. This was all Tobias needed, Jaron completed him. He wanted this moment to last forever, consequences be damned. 

 


End file.
